Tiny Daughter

 When I heard the loud mufflers of the old blue Chevy truck backing our boat into the driveway, I stepped outside to welcome the skiers home. What I found on my front porch was a very small, very cute girl in a bikini top and shorts, awkwardly waiting for Buddy to introduce her to his mother. I was not used to seeing small, cute, bikini-clad strangers on my front porch. And thankfully I’m still not.

That was the day that my tiny daughter-in-law bounced, flipped, and sprung into my life. She was 18 years old. Today she is 27. It’s hard to believe that I’ve known her for 9 years. It’s also hard to believe that I fell in love with her. You don’t just start dating my son and expect me to take their word that this girl is perfect. In what alternative universe is that going to happen?

Why Buddy chose a cheerleader/gymnast to fall in love with I’ll never know. It made perfect sense, as he was always an athlete and the athletes go for the cheerleaders, right? But boys are supposed to choose someone like their own mothers, right? Buddy’s mother was nowhere close to 5 feet tall, or a size 4 ½ shoe, or a size 3 ½ ring for that matter.  I am neither perky nor vivacious. My shoes don’t match my purse and the heels are never over 2”. The only similarity between a cheerleader and myself is that I cheer for my sons when they are competing. And also when they’re not competing. Maybe that’s the kinship we share. Bree has always been in love with Buddy and always will be. She recognizes his strengths and celebrates them. She calls me when he does something magnificent and also when he says something momentous. (It has happened.) She knows what I need to hear from Buddy and about Buddy. She supported him while he was in grad school after they married 3 years ago until he got his first real engineering job. She does not support his antics when they turn stupid and for that I’m also grateful. 

You don’t add to the Burks family without paying your dues. Bree seemed to know this. She patiently waited for her hazing from all of the family members and accomplished this with grace. She did this by going hunting with Buddy even though the thought of a dead animal made her physically sick, learning to shoot a pistol and rifle, riding a bicycle off a rickety ramp into our pond, and wading through the drama of everyday life with us…like a champ. As our resident nurse, she is the go-to guy for all of our health issues and advice. If she doesn’t know the answer, she will flip through her mental Rolodex and find out who does.

This fateful day in history, 9/11, not only marks a tragic event in American life but a wonderful event in our own. Bree Leslie Burks was born for a purpose. One of those purposes was to make our family complete. But most importantly, to make Bud’s life complete. Andrea and I were always amazed that at the height of Bud’s silliness or amazing comedic timing, Bree can sit and read a magazine and not even look up at him. Well, Bud needs that. Because if his wife treated him as we do, then he would never have grown up. He has definitely been sharpened by his fairy-sized wife, who calls herself my tiny daughter. She has tamed a giant by encouraging him, cheering him on, and sometimes even laughing.

Bree, these last few years have taught me how incredibly lucky I am. Sometimes when I am driving down the road, frustrated, exhausted, overwhelmed, I think about how you care for me, how you pray for me and how you love me like a real mom. That means more to me than you’ll ever know. We are very different in some ways, but alike where it counts. I am SO PROUD of you! And I know that if you and Bud have a tiny son and a giant daughter that they will indeed be blessed by the best mom they could ever have. Happy Birthday, I love you!

A Swooper and A Whisker

Marriage separates families. Not a popular thought. Some would wholly disagree...that's your freedom to do so but here's an example. We rarely experience a time when 100% of our family can be together. It's so rare an event that I just want to cry the whole time it happens. (don't go all psycho-analytical on me.) We are a family of 9, soon to be 10: Two parents, two daughters, two sons, one son-in-law, one daughter-in-law, one more daughter-in-law-to-be, and baby Bobby. That's a lot of different personalities, but more importantly, it's a lot of schedules.

The craziest of schedules belongs to my daughter, Jourdan, and her husband, Jeff. They are musicians. That means they live their lives out of a suitcase. This didn't used to be her life. Someone swooped down and whisked her away, into his van, into his band, into his crazy life and away from ours. How was I supposed to take this? I am by nature very territorial. Everyone knows this about me.

When someone wants to swoop down and whisk your daughter away, you, as a parent normally treat that act as an infringement, a threat, or a disaster. Sometimes you sigh with relief because somebody finally loves her. Rarely do you consider it a joy. I know many parents who love their son-in-laws yet still aren't overjoyed that their daughter is married with a life separate from them. This is where I found myself three years ago.

Sure, Jourdan chose a fine Christian man to love and marry. Sure, he treated her well. Sure, he could provide for her.  Sure, their kids would be beautiful. Why should I be bothered in the least? Because I'm Barbara. Selfish and protective to the end. I wanted my daughter to be there for me whenever I needed her. I wanted to be there for her whenever she needed me...and I wanted her to need me. There I said it. I was afraid Jeff wouldn't "get" our family. That he wouldn't see the need we have to be together. That he wouldn't need me. (again, said.) Jeff and I were friendly all during his and Jourdan's courtship and dating life. He is a lot of fun. You can't help but like him. But not until he married Jourdan did I really get to appreciate who he is and what he is to my daughter. At some point if you decide you're going to be a good parent, you forego your selfish desires and opinions and look at your child's life in the way God does. God probably says something like this to himself, "Who will take care of my daughter, Jourdan, the best?  Who will let Jourdan be all that she was created to be? Who can benefit from a partnership with Jourdan the most? Who will let Jourdan honor me and who will allow Jourdan to serve me, alongside himself? Who can Jourdan love the deepest? Who will teach Jourdan what my Bride is to be when the Bridegroom comes for her by living this out in earthly form?"

I was wrong to limit my desires for my daughter to my own narrow views.

Jeff Johnson is the only man my daughter has ever wanted to marry and the man whom God found as the answer to the above questions. I now know why. He pursued her, loves her, protects her in ways most men don't think about, learns from her, teaches her, prays for her, and plays with her. These are all aspects of their relationship that I celebrate. 

But I have to mention here that not only does he play with her, he can get her to do anything unreasonable. They got married the day after Thanksgiving in Dallas. On Thanksgiving day, both the Burks family and the Johnson family gathered together at Jeff's home to celebrate the annual feast together. It was all very civilized and friendly, in spite of the fact that we did not know each other well. Jourdan was seated at one end of the table as the hostess and this was the first time both families had sat down together. Her first time to host her in-laws and her own crazy family. She was a little nervous, but happy. The conversation turned to impressions. Someone brought up that Jourdan used to do an impression of Will Ferrell's impression of Harry Caray as seen many times on Saturday Night Live.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/985394/

So Jeff then makes her do her impression in front of all , including her new mother and father-in-law. But he doesn't stop there. He goes and gets her guitar, puts it in her lap and tells her to sing a Thanksgiving song in her Harry Caray voice. She proceeded to sing us an impromptu song about Thanksgiving in that ridiculous voice. That's when I knew it would be alright. From then on Jeff has been stretching Jourdan's parameters. I have seen a change in her over the past three years. She is more relaxed, funnier, more joyful, and continues in her pursuit of godliness. I attribute much of that to her husband's influence.

Jeff and I are big buddies now. I love him as I love my own sons. We have deep conversations and we talk nonsense. (He's equally good at both.) I'm so grateful to Debbie and Larry Johnson for bringing him into the world, that hot August night. (I don't really know exactly what time he was born, I just wanted to make a Neil Diamond reference here.)

Jeff, I honor you today and every day. I pray that I will always make you proud to have me as your other mother. And I pray that your incredible God-ordained mission is brought to completion every day of your life. Thank you again for loving my daughter, for pursuing her, for never giving up.

And thank you for taking my advice to not be a turtle.

Love, Barbs