Do you remember when you graduated from college how I printed off all of our emails from your four years at Florida State and put them into a little book? (back before I had texting) Do you remember the last email in the book? How it was a story about this little girl who actually made my heart sing? Do you remember always asking me who my favorite child is? And do you remember telling me that it should be you because you were the reason I talked to God so much?
I remember all those things.
Of course, I forget a lot of things too. But I will never forget how you and Mandy Stanley dressed up as ghosts for a Halloween party at Brownsville Assembly of God and drove through that sketchy part of town with pillowcases on your head...looking like something straight out of a Ku Klux Klan promotional video. Or how you and Lisa Burr dressed up in flannel pajamas and fur coats and ran through Wal Mart calling out for me and dad but we had already left...never hearing you yell, "MEE MAW! PAPAW!" all through the store.
I remember getting my hair frosted when I was pregnant with you. And wondering if that would make you blonde as well. (that explains a lot right there) I remember how you always wanted to be picked up and how you still want to be picked up only I'm a little too weak to do that now. You got on my back for a horsey ride just last night though. You couldn't resist me on my hands and knees without "saddling up".
There are times when I tried to resist getting on my knees but you have driven me there. And God has met me down there. For that I'm grateful. You will see. You will be driven to your knees time and time again by that angelic little dreamboat of yours. And you will find that God will meet you there also.
even when I didn't want to
when I was tired
when I was in doubt
when I was in pain
and when I was hopeful.
Do you remember your turtle named Hoop? You were never one to be obsessed with an animal so I was surprised you took such a liking to that odd little thing. I should have known that Hoop was just a precursor to the many "odd little things" you would obsess about as you got older. Like baptizing your stuffed animals and dolls. Like the Peter Pan movie. And your '86 Volvo. (Who wants a car like that? It wasn't even the cool looking old Volvo but an old lady Volvo.) All of your strange quirks and funky hairstyles will live on in this old brain of mine.
But the one thing I remember most about you is how much you wanted to be loved. There were times when you wanted me to pick you up or listen to you that I was too busy with baby Buddy or Dad or Jourdan or some other household chore. I wish so badly that I could go back to those days when you held your arms up to me and pick you up every single time. I wish I could go back and hold you in my lap every time you tried to crawl up in it. I wish I could go back and take you to lunch, just me and you, leaving the others at home. Obviously I can't now. What I can do is make sure that I'm there for you every step of the way, as long as I am alive and even after. (within reason...you still need limits!) I can still meet God on my knees for you.
And I will. I think you know that.
Mawmy
